maya's Journal

10:18am: years later, i return
i may or may not still hate live journal, but i can't sleep and i like to type (?)
I feel like a junior in high school again.
i look like someone beat the shit out of me, but really it's from not sleeping.
i wake up anxious about everything i have to do, but this time there is no escape to bennington because i'm already here.
i miss zevin. blah. i feel like this is a letter to the three people i know will read this - and that's a little weird.
okay, maybe i'll try sleeping again.

mm

3:04am: ahhhdhgfgshajgyga
...everything has changed, absolutely nothing's changed...

3:19pm: blahhhhh
1. [spell out your name with band names]
M - Menzel (Idina)
A - dAphne rubin-vega
Y - yeah...
A - idinA
2) Have you ever had a song written about you? i don't think so, poems not songs.

3) What song makes you cry? Idina's songs - Wicked songs, "Why" by Jonathan.

4) What song makes you happy? Idina's songs...Jonathan's songs

5) What do you like to listen to before bed? relaxing or hyper stuff.

a p p e a r a n c e

HEIGHT: 5'10"
HAIR COLOR: brown
SKIN COLOR: white...
EYE COLOR: blue
PIERCINGS: 2 in ears and 2 that closed up
TATTOOS: none

r i g h t n o w

WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: none
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: none
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: pesto!
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: I dunno yet, going to work now
HOW ARE YOU?: sick, anxious, board, tired, headache, pissed

d o y o u

GET MOTION SICKNESS?: sometimes
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: plenty
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: one of them sometimes
LIKE TO DRIVE?: I"m learning...so no, not yet.

f a v o r i t e s

TV SHOW: My So-Called Life, Just Shoot Me, That 70's Show
CONDITIONER: whatever
BOOK: ummm...I can't choose/
MAGAZINE: don't really have one
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: spritzer! ha ha ha
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: white wine...ummm siera, or magic hat
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: shows, party, dance, sleep

h a v e y o u

BROKEN THE LAW: yeah
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: ummm, no
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: I don't think so...I never really had to do that I don't think...
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: Yesss
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: yeah
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: no, but I think I lost my earing in the one at the Phish show in Camden. It was pretty too...
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: yeahhh
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: definatly
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: sort of maybe
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: all of them


r a n d o m

DO YOU HAVE A JOB: yeah
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: Idina's new CD!
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: magenta
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: music, bennington, sun, italian food, the mono fam, my cat, the rabbit, purple blanket, notebooks...maggie...there's more
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: mono fam, maggie
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: hummmm, "Into the Woods" maybe, I don't know - birthday is on saturday, maybe that will bring some goods :)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: lots of stuff

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t

TIME YOU CRIED?: a few days ago
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: a few days ago! I got my birthday present from Gillian in London!!
THING YOU PURCHASED: food
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: The Fresh Prince! ha ha ha
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: That horrible Jennifer Anisten movie with the ferit

y o u r t h o u g h t s o n

ABORTION: choice
TEENAGE SMOKING: smelly
SPICE GIRLS: where?
DREAMS: haven't had too many good ones in a while

7:29am: This thing sucked...
Name: maya
Do you like it?: yep
Nicknames: maya mac
Screen names: ehhh no, not going there
Birthday: Feb 14
Sign: The age of Aquariaus
Location: Greenwich Village, NYC - and Bennington VT.
School: Bennington College
Natural hair color: brunette w blonde in there at the top
Current hair color: red tinted maybe
Eye color: blue
Height: 5'10ish"
Birthplace: Manhattan
Shoe size: 91/2 - 10

[ family ]
Siblings: legally: Ben,14 illegally: Megan, 25, Tricia, 24, Kerri, 26, Lawr, 26, Sista Trouble, 25
Live with: Mom, Ben, Abageal, Lester
Favorite relative: legally: Laura, illegally, Meg, trish, kerr, lawr, troubs, steven


[ favorites ]
Number: 14
Color: magenta, maroon
Day: early and late
Month: feb and all of spring - like May
Song: ummm, "Sarah" by Dyaln, A quick one while he's away...No good deed
Food: pastaaaa
Band: ummm yeah a lot
Season: spring
Sport: theatre
Class: not going there right now
Teacher: Laybourne forever ha ha ha
Drink: ummmmmmm...white wine, water, other stuff ummm yeah
Veggie: salad
TV Show: My So-Called Life, and uhhh AMERICA'S TOP MODEL! ha ha, that's the funniest thing I haev ever seen
Radio Station: I don't listen to the radio
Store: clothing stores...ummm knitting store
Word: ahhhhhh too many
Animal: Lester, Abageal
State: NEW YORK, I like VT. too though...California I'd like, I liked Michigan...where else - umm I don't know I'm boring


[ this or that ]

Me/You: meyou
Coke/pepsi: coke
Day/night: night
Aol/aim: both
Cd/cassette: CD
Dvd/vhs: both...?
Jeans/khakis: Jeans
Car/truck: medium?
Lunch/dinner: dinner
Gap/Old Navy: Navy with Megan! hah ahdhas a zot
Lipstick/Lipgloss: coolaid
Silver/Gold: Silver


[ the past ]

What is the one thing you would change about your past?: worrying too much
Last thing you saw: cat, computer
Last thing you said: "uhhhhhhhh" (fighting)
To a person: ditto above
Who is the last person you saw?: mamma
Who is the last person you kissed?: Yeah, not going there either
Who is the last person you hugged? Steven?
Who is the last person you fought with?: Mom
Who is the last person you were on the phone with?: mom
What is the last TV show you saw?: something bad....uhhh oh that Steve Harvey thingy
What is the last song you heard?: Dylan's Ballad of a Thin Man

[ the present ]

What are you wearing?: whoa -probably too much of a NYer paranoid to answer that
What are you doing?: this stupid bullshit
Who are you talking to?: no one...
What song are you listening to?: "Could you be loved" Bob Marley
Where are you?: the computer lab at the Hudson School
online: uhhh yeah
How are you feeling?: like shit
Are you in a chatroom?: noooo


[ future ]
What day is it tomorrow?: Saturday!
What are you going to do after this?: uhhhhhhhhhhh
Who are you going to talk to?: MONO people
How old will you be when you graduate?: 22...
What do you wanna be?: maya
What is one of your dreams? to be a really good actress
Where will you be in 25 years?: broke...? I don't really want to answer that...

[ other ]

Do you write in cursive or print?: both at the same time...really I do
Are you a lefty or a righty?: Righttt
What is your sexual preference?: people that I like...mostly men, but I don't think it should be a fair question
What piercings do you have?: two closed up ears and too open ears
Any tattoos?: no
Do you drive?: I have a permit!!!
Do you have glasses or braces?: yeah glasses but I never wear em
Did you like this survey?: no, actually not at all
What do you most like about your body?: hair, eyes, lips
How many fillings do you have?: I don't know...
Do you think you're good looking?: depends sometimes on how much sleep I've gotten
Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: some people...
Do you look like any celebrities?: Gabby Hoffman in Now and Then - like forever, it gets annoying


[ fashion ]

Do you wear a watch?: nooo
How many coats and jackets do you own?: too many?
Favorite pants/skirt color?: both...and many colors...all at the same time
most expensive item of clothing?: my blue neckless
Most treasured?: blue neckless
What kind of shoes do you wear?: birks.

12:43am:
WOO-HOO!! You are Elphaba! You are a feirce Green
Ball of awesomeness! there is nothing you
can't' do...except for taking a bath.


what WICKED character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2:29am: I can't sleep, again
as always, or as usual I can't sleep when the world is sleeping
and I feel like crap.

leave me some love, i need some love please...

3:59am: ahhh qizzes instead of sleep

Which CHICAGO Character are You? Find out!

3:22am: 01. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
went to college

03. Did someone close to you give birth?
hummmm - no

04. Did anyone close to you die?
several actually

05. What countries did you visit?
ummm America...

06. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
some real romance, not bad poetry - authentic poetry that comes from the heart even if it's out of rhyme, more plays, more singing, more laughing, more smiling and kissing...

07. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
hummmm Feb 14th...my birthday cuz maggie made it great

08. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
letting go of some things...holding on and letting go at the same time to other things...just being me in situations is the acheivement to me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I fell and fucked up my knee again...

14. Where did most of your money go?
shit that I don't need

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
harmony...in every corney and literal sence of the word

16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
"A Quick One While He's Away", "Hey Ya", "God", "La La Means I love you" among others... "Redemtion Song"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you
i. happier or sadder? ummmmm, more something - I was like still sending out college bull shit ahhh.

ii. thinner or fatter? uhhhh fuck you. this is a bad question I think.

iii. richer or poorer? me personally - ummm broke

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
relaxed, written, sang, laughed, dance

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
worry, complain

22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
not with a person

26. What was the best book you read?
uhhhhh...something - can't remember

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Who, Joni Mitchel (re-re discovery, every new song is like a new discovery), Neil Young, Soundheim (pardon the spelling), among others

28. What did you want and get?
ummmm, huh - I wanted to be Sheila and I am - that was 02 I think - I don't know ohh I wanted to get into Bennington and I did

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
18 - Valentine's day. Maggie made me a shrine with all of the pictures from our theatrical friendship and cake and gifts and notes from all my beautiful HAIR girls and boys and others :) and then performed as the mute - got a kiss from Dai as a Trinidadian birthday tradition and cut the cake, resultion in him thinking that I am now his wife, then I went out to eat with Steven and Amy and Dai and other people...then I had a party later that was sort yucky in memory (due to one who attended) but I sort of had fun at the time.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
more new reading, more new writing

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
maya

34. What kept you sane?
maggie, pink book, steven, tricia, the mute, kerri, my larry j and his amazing skills at playing my prom date :), Nick and his "editing" of badly written boy apology letters, Megan and her loud talking sisternes, Gab (sista trouble), Jeff, Patti Head, Mia and her bed, James Taylor, dancing, harmony

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
george bush's existance, watching the lenny bruse documentry and seeing what they did to him - if that was possible - wow.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
unanswerable. best is a lame word.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"waiting for life to begin!" - Once on this Island
or no...
"While she was so busy being free" - Joni Mitchell

1:20pm: NYC J@bbers unite...
Hey J@bbers who read this thing - Chrissy is gunna be in the city tomorrow until 3.
Anyone else gunna be there?


maya maya maya

1:55am: there is so much that I want to say,
but nothing that I want to be read right now - so I don't even know why I am tiptoeing my way back to this silly live journal thing...

I miss wondering through snow that makes crunching noises under stripped shoes, with a pillow in hand maybe, music playing loudly in my ears, 4 am, knowing no one will jump me.
I miss playing loud music in my room and being over joyed with the dreams in my head that I spin and dance and smile because I can't contain it. I miss the chase. Silly wine with screw off tops, hait that's long in the front and short in the back, te he.

Someone say something...

I want some comments - I want some connections, some spelling errors, some poetry...


maya mac

- post me something or beware!!!! ------

11:10pm: hummm
live journal confuses me.

1:05am: anyone in the city for the summer?
I want to throw a party for those in the city.
Leave me a message and let me know if you are hanging around the city for at least a little while this summer so that I can see all of you!!

maya mac

10:32pm: no more of this
no more of this electronic journal.
I'm over it.
pahhhhhh - people don't tell me who they are, it's blah.

12:20pm: i know who you are...
Anonymous...pahhhhhh

2:32pm: jabbbbbbers
I talked with Adrian and we desided that next Friday or Saturday all the Jabbers would come see MONO in the new beautiful space and then hang out afterwards in the space - it's always a lot of fun after the shows.

Spread the world to those who don't read this - and post which is better Fri or Sat.

LOVE YOU ALL, can't wait to FINALLLY see you guys.

and yeah: Canfield is rock on Canfield cool - like ice

maya mac

2:53am: mono cocktail party
I love my cast.
monotinis...
goodnight

5:28pm: calling all jibber jabbers - oh that was a bit corney, ehhhh deal with it
I hear that school is out for all all of the people who went to J@b and who I know read this.

We have to get together!!!!!

lets make planes.
I really want you all to come see the new space and see my show, then we can hang out there until however late we want spinning in circles and giggling.
LOVE YOU!

maya mac

12:56am: hummmmmm
I like cats - but I still don't know who this annnnnonyyyamouse person is - I have no idea how to spell that word, and yes I am not in the mood for spell check...
I know Frank believes that cats are far superior to dogs but I don't know if it's really Frank who has been posting.

I must braid hair
and sleep -
I left my theatre at 4AM!
So much work to be done.

AND again...WHO ARE YOu? This is something I wish to be told? It's exciting...

1:40am: who are you?
Someone want to own up to all of the anonymous posts they're leaving?

I want to know who you are :)


Thanks for your messages either way.

Just got home - and I may just go to sleep.

night

3:44am: wow - it's almost 4am
I thought I had beaten my insomnia monster.
I was on such a wonderful schedule, I was feeling refreshed.
But maybe because it was scary not to have that extra detail...or because I am almost going to send out my roomate form and I want it to be somewhat truthful...but I am so random - up now at nearly 4am for no real reason - and only maybe last week I was exsastedly putting myself to bed at 9 or 10. Does 6 hours really make a difference? Ummmm, yeah - it probobly does. Crap, and I'm still not tired.

I miss everyone.
Can Canfielders, J@bbers, wonderful people who I don't see enough: come see my show sometime soon and party in the new thatre space with music and dancing afterward?????
Leave me a message through one of the many forms of technology which will eventually get to my eye and my brain and will make it possible for me to see you.

peace, love, and art

mac

11:19am: i don't know where i am right now...
I feel so stuck inbetween staying and going.
Humming the tune that so many have covered before, I suppose - but still, lonely and lost feeling - alone.
half way there, half way here.

someone - give me something poetic.

9:46pm: ?
I think I don't write enough gossip on this thing for people to leave me messages.

So here: I love you maybe.

Now say something:

3:39pm: hello?
does anyone read this thing?
no one ever says anything.
it's getting boring people.
speak up.

12:02pm: prom
I survived my prom.

Lawrence, the elevator, Maggie and the dress were by far the best parts.

I'll have to write something funny about this experience so that it will become fully worth it.

I am so lucky to have the people that I have in my life. I came back to a theatre filled with people who wanted to see my dress and celebrate the sillyness of the whole experience. I love Kerri, I love Tricia, I love Donan, and Rob and Nick, Steven. And I'm glad that I will get to see them again and again and I wont have to see certain nameless faces that I haven't seen since Freshman year, it was so bizzare.

I'm glad I went.
But I'm also glad that it's over.

4:01pm: sitting at Maggie's house
haven't posted in a while. Officially have three days left of classes. Performing tomorrow and the next day - prom on Friday. Ready for something to happen already.
And it will so soon and so quickly.
I have to pee - bye...